Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
