I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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