So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
