I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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