Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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