He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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