hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
