BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
