One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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