I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
