Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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