Are we in a gay sports bar?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize