sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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