I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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