Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize