I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
