I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
