you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
