Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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