I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize