Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
