I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
