No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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