i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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