This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
