textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
