ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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