the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
