You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
