I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
