Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
