Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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