You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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