you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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