It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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