maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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