I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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