im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
