I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize