some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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