I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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