No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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