have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would fuck him just for his dog
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
