And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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