I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
