Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
