I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
