Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
