is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
