I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
