nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
