Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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