Im at strip club and am horny
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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