She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
