I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
