The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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