very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
