i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
