You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
