Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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