some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
