I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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