i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
