Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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