Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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