I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
