I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
