i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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