Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would fuck him just for his dog
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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